Dolphins are cute, sure, but the following dolphin facts will probably make you view them as abominations of the wild. Seriously, these cute and cuddly creatures are a huge mess!
This post is a little NSFW (not safe for work) again, so children please stay out! I don’t want to give you nightmares!
1. Male dolphins starve female dolphins until they agree to give them the V
The idea running through male dolphins’ heads go like this, “you don’t want to have sex? Fine, I’ll separate you from the group and you can’t have food unless you agree to have sex with me!”
What’s worse is that species like the bottlenose and spinner dolphins vote for it. Not just for the sex, but for almost everything that they do. Voting can take hours, squeaking and whistling until they finally make a consensus, “should we visit this place? Should we fish at this bay? Should we rape this dolphin?”
2. Dolphins go on a killing spree when sexually frustrated
You might think, “maybe they’re on a rampage because they are competing for food or mate?” Nope, they do it for no apparent reason…well, other than they’re frustrated because of the dry spell they’re having.
Imagine being a male without hands or a partner to calm your other head, where will you release this frustration? Well, apparently, dolphins satisfy this craving by killing anything (that is not within their circle of friendsies) they see.
3. Amazon river dolphins are the only known creatures that are into “nasal sex”
Yep, you read that right. Homosexuality isn’t limited to humans. Amazon river dolphins engage with nasal sex, male to female or male to male, it doesn’t matter. As long as their penis can touch another’s blowhole it’s good sex.
4. Dolphins in captivity sometimes commit suicide to escape their dismal fate
You might have enjoyed your last visit at the ocean park, especially when you managed to pet that very cute dolphin, but what you didn’t know is that it was probably thinking of committing suicide. You see, dolphins are highly intelligent creatures, scientists back this up, and some even went as far as proposing that they should have the same rights as humans do, these “non-human persons“. Then we can arrest dolphins for rape, am I right?
And you thought it’s all going to be about sex, right? Ha!